Well, Ive been out for a month now. I like it, but at the same time it is taking a lot of getting used to. I spend the majority of my time at my friend Erika's house. She and I have known one another for like eleven years, so we are like brother and sister. I am still waiting on the ARMY to get me some of my severance pay so I can get on with my life and go back to school. I am still set on going to medical school and eventually working my way to a doctorate. Honestly though I have mixed feelings, about a lot of things. I hate how I have to wait to make big choices, and I was so excited about the idea of moving, and now I am just... back home and staying. I tried talking to my friend from Ohio, and left a couple of messages, but she never responded. I don't have a working phone, so I asked her bro to let her know to leave me a message here. It's been weeks and weeks, and still nothing. It... bothers me, because part of me really wants to talk to her again and know she is okay, but at the same time I am almost afraid she will be angry with me. I know it's not all my fault, but I blame myself too much.

I am going to try my hardest to work on a relationship with Shannon, so I can spend time with my little girl. She has big blue eyes and strawberry blonde hair. Gorgeous little baby. I miss her so much, and I beat myself up for things that happened in the past. I joined the service because I wanted to make myself better, stronger, for her. It breaks my heart every single day that I think of how I wish I could just... hold her. Just for a little while, hold her and tell her how much I love her. The whole things has been so painful for me, my whole life all I wanted was a family, and someone to love me, and none of it worked out the way I wanted. That is life, I guess. You can plan all you like, but more often than not, things happen a certain way, and try as you might, all those hopes and wishes slip through your fingers like grains of sand.

Like I said, I want more than anything to be there for her. If I can.

Had a root canal today, fun stuff that. It didn't hurt as much as I had expected, took about an hour, and a half hour later I was talking fine. I have been taking it easy all day, I finished a pic of Lina Inverse for all of you, and have played a lot of Maple story. Taking a break from wow and more serious rpg's, I get tired of them sometimes. I am going to start writing again, I feel like Ive been in a slump for too long now. If I don't see Rhianna, or Elric very often it sort of gets me down and I really can't even tell you why. It feels like old friends that I havn't been with in a long time.

Anyway, take care everyone. LAST-T your work is stunning as always, and good luck with the larping Karla.